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 Post subject: Maid for each other - Cheating Husbands
 Post Posted: Tue Jun 17, 2008 6:24 pm 
Maid for each other

By Chamitha Kuruppu
@ LBN/14Jun2008


“I don’t know what I did wrong,” laments Shyama*. “We have been married for twelve years. Everything was fine until four months ago when I caught my husband having an affair with our maid. I fired the maid and forgave him because we have two kids. Last week I caught him again flirting with our new maid. I don’t trust him anymore. I can’t fire the maid either. Then I will have to quit work and stay home,” complains this forty- something doctor.

Cheating

What do you do when you catch your husband cheating on you with your maid? Unfortunately this is a common fear faced by many working women in the country. The saddest part is that even when there is sufficient evidence to prove that the men do commit adultery, specially with maids – most women feel reluctant to take action because of the fear of losing their jobs.

“I want to save our marriage so there is nothing I can do but to forgive him. In the meantime, my career is equally important. I need the servant to take care of the housework and look after my children. Until I find an old lady to take care of the housework, I have decided to ignore what is happening under my roof,” says Shyama as she sobs.

“As a working mother I feel it is essential to have a servant. Finding a good servant is not an easy task. Although I feel uncomfortable to have a young maid in the house, I am not in a position to do anything about it. I need the maid and the job,” says Lanka*, a mother of three young daughters.

No evidence

Although she has not found any evidence to prove that her husband is having an affair with their young maid, Lanka says she is certain that he is fond of the girl. “She does all his work. She knows the food he likes most, the correct amount of sugar for his tea and which shirt he should wear with a particular pair of trousers,” confesses Lanka. “Even when I am around he gets the girl to do his work. Although he says he doesn’t want to bother me when I am at home – I know he believes that the girl will do a better job than me,” she explains.

A nurse by profession, Lanka says it is vital that both she and her husband be employed to earn a sound income for their family of five. “As a nurse I am required to do night shifts. Initially I felt very insecure. I couldn’t concentrate on my work. But now I have got used to it. I have realised that in order to save my job I have to get used to
this set up,” she stresses.

However, Lanka revealed how relieved she felt when she met another victim while on duty suffering the same ‘torture’ . “There was a very pretty lady who had come to the hospital for eye surgery. I noticed that she was in tears all the time. When we first inquired, she refused to talk. But later she told us that her husband who was a famous judge was having an affair with their maid. Although she fired the maid her husband brought the woman back and started harassing the lady,” says Lanka.
“I realised that this was a common problem faced by women from all walks of life. So I feel relieved. I know I am not alone. I know there are many women who feel the same way that I do,” Lanka adds.

Fathima* a sixty- three- year old had a different story to share. She has a forty something maid who comes to her house every weekend to do the housework.

“My husband is a calm man. But I feel that the woman is doing everything possible to win his attention. She knows that my husband likes fish. She brings various kinds of fish prepared in all kinds of ways. My husband too has started to look forward to this treat,” explains Fathima.

Flirting

“The woman is a wonderful cook. She is efficient and hard- working. Even when I am not around she knows what needs to be done. I don’t feel like stopping her and hiring another maid,” she went on, stressing, “But that does not mean I trust her either.”

Prema* who suffers from the same fear says she is certain that her young maid is flirting with her husband when she is away at work. “I have had a couple of servants. But most of them were old women. The problem with elderly maids is that they often ask for leave to visit their children or families. Also due to old age they are unable to work efficiently.

They get sick very often. Young girls are not like that. They have fewer commitments and are willing to do any hard work,” she points out. “Meantime, young girls are dangerous, especially if you have a young son or a husband who can be tempted.”

However, according to Women in Need (WIN), an organisation committed to the elimination of domestic violence and other forms of violence against women, wives rarely complain about adultery between their husbands and housemaids. Talking to Lakbimanews, Nandani Patabadihe a counsellor attached to WIN pointed out, “We know there is a problem like that. But unfortunately we have not received many complaints. There are very few incidents, therefore the issue is underreported.”

Shanika Wijesinghe, legal officer of WIN explains that a large number of housemaids come to their institution to seek legal assistance on sexual abuse committed by their masters.

“This clearly proves that there is a problem. But we don’t have wives coming here for advice or legal assistance,” she added.

“How can they (wives) complain?” queries Lasantha* a 37-year-old father. “My wife goes to work and hardly does any housework. She has conveniently forgotten her commitments as a wife and a mother.
If it wasn’t for the servant my two children and I will be starving. If my wife suspects me of having an affair with the maid I will tell her to quit work and stay at home,” stresses Lasantha.

* Names are fictitious


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 Post subject: Signs of a Cheating Spouse
 Post Posted: Mon Jun 30, 2008 12:59 pm 
Signs of a Cheating Spouse

1) He/She shows a sudden interest in a different type of music.
2) Spouse's co-workers are uncomfortable in your presence.
3) He/She has a sudden preoccupation with his or her appearance.
4) Spends an excessive amount of time on the computer when you are asleep.
5) The amount of money being deposited into your checking account drops off.
6) You find items of intimate apparel that you did not give your spouse.
7) Your spouse seems less comfortable around you and is "touchy"
8) You get calls where the caller hangs up when he or she hears your voice.
9) He/she has a definite change in attitude towards everyone in the home.
10) He/She uses a low voice or whisper on the phone or hangs up quickly.
11) Begins to delete all incoming phone calls from the caller ID.
12) Deletes all incoming e-mails when they used to accumulate.
13) Picks fights in order to stomp out of the house.
14) Your cheating husband or wife stops confiding in you and seeking advice from you.
15) He/she sets up a new e-mail account and doesn't tell you about it.


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